


No, he's not on any flatbread.

by the_moose_queen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, M/M, Other, pastfarian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 20:59:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2402693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_moose_queen/pseuds/the_moose_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if God had been a flying spaghetti Monster?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No, he's not on any flatbread.

**Author's Note:**

> Me and my friends thought it would be funny if you took the beliefs of the Pastafarian religion (mainly what they believe to be God) and apply them to the show Supernatural. Especially season five, episode 2 (Good God, Y'all). It's the cracky-est fic of them all, enjoy!

Everything is okay and nothing hurts. Bobby isn’t in the hospital or in a wheelchair, Dean and Sam don’t need Castiel to heal Bobby, but Castiel hasn’t got enough angel mojo to do it anyway. Castiel also tells them there's no way to get Lucifer to stop booty calling Sam now that Sam is going steady with Gabriel. So Castiel suggests God as the answer since the angel father would not approve of Lucifer wanting a piece of Sammy. Cas also told Dean that he doesn't need some Jesus in his life, because he doesn’t want Dean to cheat on him with his half brother.

“God?” Dean asked quite confused while staring into Castiel's big blue eyes.

“Yes,” Castiel answered simply staring back at Dean, thinking of how he could ride Dean like he’s the only ark in the storm after all this is over.

“God,” Dean said affirmingly, probably thinking of all the ways to fuck Cas five ways from tuesday and then some.

“Yes! He isn't in heaven. He has to be somewhere,” Castiel stated, blatantly staring at Deans freckles trying to count them as the conversation continued.

“Try New Mexico. I hear he's on a tortilla,” Dean said sarcastically as he moved his eyes quickly down to Castiel’s crotch area but then just as quickly bringing his gaze back up to Castiel’s eyes as if he did not just do that. Gay thoughts can’t catch him now!

“No, he's not on any flatbread,” Castiel said confused as to why Dean was thinking about food in a time of great sexual tension.

In the background Sam can heard whispering to himself, “They should be kissing or whatever already! Sweet Lordy Jesus, the eye sex is horrifying! Lucy take me now!”

“Listen, cutie, even if there is a God, he is either dead—and that's the okay theory—” Dean was being a debbie-downer so Castiel of course interrupted his depressing truth which is why they can’t have nice things.

“He is out there, Dean,” Castiel said with such hope that he is why they are allowed to have nice things. Dean lends him his cool necklace, and then gives Castiel a short kiss, and Castiel goes on his journey.

A couple days later Dean is fighting a giant flying spaghetti monster and was about to gank it by eating  it when Castiel appeared in the room screaming at Dean.

“DON’T EAT THAT! I FOUND GOD! THAT’S GOD!” Castiel screamed, with Dean’s necklace in his hands. The necklace burning.

“OH!” Dean replied, finishing off the giant flying spaghetti monster, the necklace in Cas’s hands goes cold.

“SWEET MOTHER TERRESA ON A HOOD OF A MERCEDES BENZ! YOU KILLED GOD! DEAN HOW COULD YOU! THAT WAS MY FATHER!” Castiel screeched.

They both panicked and screamed at each other but in the end they had angsty amazing sex and all was good with the world.

Everything was happy and nothing hurt.


End file.
